Assessing Priorities; Embracing the Future

          After a small conversation with my sister-in-law the other day, I started to realize some of the things I've been lacking as of late. So much of my time has been focused on trying to catch up on work, on writing, and on life that I have lost some creative drive. It's not that I haven't been able to read or write, per say, or to teach or to care for my children. It's that I have been stuck in this auto-piloting mode, where I am going through the motions, checking my calendar, taking each thing day-by-day, task-by-task. And while this auto-pilot has been very practical with aiding me to in my accomplishments, I haven't felt very accomplished. I haven't felt like I am progressing in my craft.
          I won't lie. During my brief convo with my sis, I was feeling very overwhelmed and despondent. I wanted to delve into some very negative spaces that I realized--from viewing it surface-level--were not productive or nourishing for my spirit. I went to sleep that night feeling ill. And, I awoke feeling ill, in all honesty. I pushed myself through the next morning, taking each task bit-by-aching bit: shower, dress, makeup, get child ready for school, walk to school, drop husband off at work, go to Starbucks, work. 
          Yet, as I sat there at that hard-wood table, surrounded by strangers who seemed to be in the same type of auto-pilot mode (typing away at their laptops and checking their calendars for the day), a sudden epiphany overcame me. It was something that my sis told me the night before: Self-care; focus on the things that are the most important to you; make decisions that are just for you, and everything else will come after. And, as I stared at my calendar and open laptop screen, all of the important things started to stream through. Writing. My children. Writing. Teaching my comp classes. Writing. Writing. Oh, and writing.
          I know it sounds crazy, right? A writer needing to prioritize her writing? It's not so much about scheduling actual writing time because I feel like I have that under control. My MFA program and mentors have pressed deadlines and provided writing critiques that give me the focus and clarity I need right now. The writing priorities I am referring to are more along the lines of focused objectives for myself in regards to self-promotion of my writing. So, in that moment of clarity, I began a list of promotion agenda, "Things I want to accomplish in 2018": update and publish writing website, order author cards to promote my writing, update my FB author page, prepare for AWP 2019 (as it is kind of late in the game, and I do not have the funds to attend for AWP '18), start blogging on writing website.  
          And, so here I am, writing my very first blog on my very own writing website. Exciting? Maybe. Exasperating? For sure. Worried that I will fall on my face before I even begin? Always. However, based on my discussions with other writers and having read first-hand testimony from other prolific and well-known writers, these emotions are not indicative of my own place and time, solely. These are things all writers have experienced and continue to experience as we invest in our craft. In her famous book on writing, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott says, "Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere" (96). Mr. Stephen King, at the very end of his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, relays this same idea when he says, " you can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will" (270). 
          And so, I will. To the writing world: here I am! 2018 is the year that I finish my first novel, start my second, and begin engaging in a very extroverted way with the writing world. To other beginning writers, please come join the ride! It is challenging, but it is so rewarding as well.